What's So Dirty About Thirty?

Ooolala. I swear, people say dirty thirty to make it sound glamorous and as if you were still making the questionable decisions you were making as a stupid 20 something year old. But let me tell you, I am glad to be thirty. I still wouldn't call myself an adult by that 'got your shit together' standard. I still call my mom at least 3 times a day and extras when I have a stupid question you'd expect a 30 year old to know the answer to.

I've always been an old soul. I love music from before my time. I idolize an actress that died the year I was born. I crammed all my party days into about 3-4 years of madness and chaos after college and then disappeared to find myself in solitude with a book in my hand 95% of my free time. I found a furry companion and we became the best of friends without speaking the same language. I've travelled. I've adventured. I've taken risks with my life. I still love to do a lot of the same things but I will choose a quiet night any day over a night on the town with people my age. I prefer intimate settings and deep conversations and will choose peace and quiet over social situations that serve no purpose past showing face. I like what I like and I've never really seen a problem with that despite the teasing of others about my interests being those of an old lady.

There's an older guy at work. He's not ancient or anything but his eyes aren't getting better and he retired from a whole ass career as an officer of the law and now he spends his time telling stories and singing to members that come through his line. He asks questions and says the inappropriate things that only someone of a certain age can get away with. One of my favorite questions of his (usually to women midlife or older), is if they could go back to any age in their life, what would it be and why? Surprisingly, their answer is always usually somewhere in their 30's. They have more financial freedom, they care less about people's opinions, they travelled, they enjoyed the early stages of married life, etc, etc, etc... I love that.

I enjoyed my 20s. I look back and wonder how I got myself into so many sketchy situations and lived long enough to see 30. Got my heart broken, broke a few myself, partied, drank, became a hermit, worked through some shit with my therapist, ghosted my therapist, moved to different countries, kissed frogs, regretted those extra glasses of wine or tequila shots, danced, sang, loved, hated, broke, pieced myself back together, dusted off my therapist's number. I worked at a nudist resort, was a marketing manager for the biggest tour company in the Caribbean, managed a freaking manufacturing facility, edited a book and then rescinded my work because the man was a con artist (COPY.....DELETE!) and I've beat the odds of progression in less than 2 years at a huge retail monster! So much LIFE happened in my 20s. I look back and I love the stories that I can tell from those times. I cringe at some too but who cares! It's done and I survived and I am 30 and killin' it.

The other day I sat in an interview for a position at work that I was unlikely to get but figured I would try anyways. There were two managers, one who used to be my direct manager and another who has only briefly worked with me. The latter was leading the interview and said tell me about yourself; anything you want me to know. I told him that I am pretty boring. I have a dog named Chicken I brought with me from Jamaica and otherwise I like my books and my bed. He later asked me my previous work experiences and I left out the nudist resort but listed the others and he was baffled that I called my life 'boring'. I have had the privilege to experience life in a way that many would dream of. I have been very blessed in that manner. But, if you look at my day to day, without my history, I am an old ass lady with old ass lady hobbies. I paint by numbers. I read. Once every year or so I pick back up knitting or crocheting or both. I watch true crime and war documentaries for fun. I want a rocking chair way more than I should. I love writing letters and receiving mail. I can no longer function mentally or physically around loud noises unless it's by MY choice. I get excited when new puzzles are available at work. I buy more plants and books than I have the time and space for. I'm not a fan of crowds and honestly, I just like staying home with my dog, boyfriend, family, books and plants!

Let me tell you how this birthday went. Please note, I did NOT cry this year on my birthday! (My mom told me it wasn't allowed and also I did some of my favorite things with my favorite people). Yesterday Micah took me to Barnes & Noble to find something to potentially buy with the gift card from his mom (<3). He ordered me a White Chocolate Mocha and a salted caramel cookie (for him.... but it was my birthday trip soooooo.... mine). We walked around and he found a book to preview and let me wander around the store looking at EVERY genre on the first floor and the stationary section two or three times. Then he took me to my favorite library to look at the shelves that you can take whatever books you want and leave a donation. We found some there but still had time before meeting my siblings so we went to my second favorite library to get more donation acquired books! $10 for 10 books. (Boom Baby!) Then we went to my favorite taco joint with my little siblings. Hug. Hug. Kiss. Kiss. Goodbye. The night was ended with Drunk History and a plate of cinnamon raisin bagel chips with spreadable brie cheese! (Obsessed.)

Woke up this morning after sleeping in. Cuddled Chicken for a bit. Was served a cup of coffee with the perfect amount of creamer. FaceTimed with Tati. Got ready and went to lunch with my mom and grandma at Olive Garden. I don't know if you know this..... but free wine ('first glass is on me' - nicest waitress ever) and free tiramisu, taste way better than those that you have to pay for. Went back to grandma's and saw the siblings before their soccer practices. Did a couple word searches in silence, laying in bed with my momma. My grandma gave me a candle from back home. I began planning a trip home that will be the first fly out trip for us as a couple and will allow him to see me in my natural habitat and decide if he still loves me. During my car rides, I played my music entirely too loud and SCREAMED the lyrics and flailed my arms in my untinted car without a care in the world as to who saw it. I didn't tone down the eccentrics when a car was next to me or while approaching a red light. I just enjoyed because why not? It's MY day! I FaceTimed Tati again when she got to my birthday twin's office and got so many birthday wishes that I eventually got overwhelmed and put my phone on DND.

The perfect birthday. I felt loved. My belly full. Plans to go home are made and potentially happening very soon. Books from Taylor & Micah & Momma Craven & Joseph/Ellie! I saw my family. I had coffee. Goal accomplishing is on the table in multiple areas of my life. Life is freaking good. Lots of changes and many challenges still working theirselves out but 30 is looking grand.

Concepts & Thoughts of the Birthday Morning:

- (Change) Looking in the Mirror: "Maybe it's time for another haircut.... A more sophisticated cut. (aka same thing but shoulder length & only by Sherry-Ann because I don't like change THAT much)

- (Body Acceptance & Practicality) Putting on Pants: "These pants fit a few weeks ago...... well they mostly fit today too but I would like to breathe after lunch so let's wear stretchy pants!"

- (Confidence & Self-Awareness) Self-Pep Talk in the Car: "I deserve this promotion AND this vacation... until the interview, I will have to be good at my job (as usual) AND nice (not always the usual)."

- (Diminishing Care of Outside Opinions) Singing in the Car: "Why did I care about being seen doing this yesterday and not stopping me today? Did this magical feeling come with the death of the 2 & the birth of the 3?"

THIS is 30. The age I used to tell my mom was old when I was a kid. Now? I wonder why I am ever left unsupervised and if all adults are as clueless about what the hell is going on as I am.

Cheers to 30 & hopefully 30+ more!

Love you all. <3

Also, Happy My Birthday Mom! Couldn't have done it without you & your 12 hours of labor I've heard so much about! :) You're the best.